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Posts Tagged ‘love’

I fell asleep on the couch this evening while trying to grind out a few more hours of work. As often happens, sleep did not come again right away, so I searched the Internet for the blogs of my closest friends, those people whose thoughts remind me of who I am and what I believe.  I ended up at the blog of one of my newest friends, a friend whose words move me most deeply these days, regardless of her topic. My only complaint, and one I gladly suffer, is that her posts prompt so many thoughts and deep emotion that I find it hard to move on to work or other things. Instead I find myself wanting to stay and linger with her thoughts, and the thoughts they evoke in me, and to write about them, because I feel such a deep kinship with her.

So, this morning, as I sat in bed and surfed the ‘net, I read her latest post. One statement in particular in that post triggered a cascade of thoughts and feelings, reminding me of what I believe, what I know, about myself and the shared illusion of a world in which we think we live. And so I wrote. This is what I said to her in a comment I posted on her blog:

The primary teaching of A Course in Miracles is that only Love is real. Consequently, we are truly all One Being and we realize our Oneness, bring it into our awareness, when we share our love with another. It also teaches that every action, whether by ourselves or by others, is either an expression of love or a call for love. Thus, regardless of the situation, the only appropriate response to our sisters and brothers is Love, unconditional, unlimited Love.

Many years ago, not long after I began studying the Course, I decided that, to be the person I know myself to be, the person I want to express in this world, I would ask myself, “What would Love do?” or, stated somewhat differently, “What is the most loving thing to do in this situation?” When I ask myself that question, I remind myself I must include myself in answering that question, for any response that is not loving to me, as well as others, is not truly loving. And then I wait. The answer always comes, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but it always come. I make mistakes all the time, mostly by forgetting to ask the question and mostly by not being loving to myself, which I find much more difficult than being loving to others. But each day I learn and the answers come more quickly and more as an expression of who I am and less as the result of conscious thought. These and the other lessons I have learned from the Course have truly transformed my life and led me to be the woman I am today. There are many other spiritual paths that lead to this same place. The Course just happens to be mine.

Why do I share these thoughts here? They were all triggered by this statement from this post: “My search for more validity and ‘realness’ can only come in community, sister- and brotherhood with others . . . “ Love is only real, can only truly be experienced, when it is shared. By being shared, it expands and I come closer to realizing the Truth of who I am, the Truth of who we all are. For that I need community. I need you and all the others loving friends I have found in my life, on the ‘net and off.

Thank you, my friend, for being a loving friend to me and all who come to this place and read your words. They are gifts beyond measure.

Blessings,
Abby

Cross-posted from my ACIM blog.

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Today, I am in pain. I hurt to the core of my being because a dream I held of being held, of being loved and nurtured, as I try to love and nurture others, is dead.

I knew that things were headed this way. The signs have been clear for some time. But I still hoped that somehow, if I just loved enough, that could be changed. It didn’t happen that way, however, and I am sad.

Things started off with so much promise, so much hope. I felt so loved and cared for. But what I hoped was only the beginning was really the end. Not of everything, not of the friendship we have and the respect and admiration we hold for each other for the people that we are, but, certainly, the end of the something “more” that I thought began that extended weekend of connection.

So, today, I am sad. I sit and meditate, pray and read A Course in Miracles for the hope that it has restored to my life. And I cry.

Life will go on. From this, something new and greater will come. I know, because that is who I am and that is path I have chosen for my life. And it’s hard, it’s extremely hard. The rewards are incredible, but, sometimes, many times, I wish my life was simple, that my life was easy, that I didn’t feel so deeply, that I didn’t have to dig so deep to understand the truth of who I am and how the world works, how we are all connected in the truest and most fundamental sense. Sometimes, it’s simply too much … for myself and for others.

My friend Callie talks about how hard it is being a “too person” – too intense, too emotional, compelled to seek the answers to the hard questions that most people don’t even want to ask. I know exactly what she means.

And, yet, I know I will carry on. I know that this is my path. I just wish that the price of all the rewards I have found in my life – the peace, the joy, the comfort in knowing who I am – was something other than being alone.

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I am sitting here in tears having just finished watching one of the most moving documentaries I have ever seen. It’s called Anyone and Everyone. It’s the story of a variety of families – Jewish, Catholic and Mormon; white, black, Hispanic and Asian – and how the parents came to understand and support their lesbian and gay daughters and sons, despite the teachings of their churches, despite all they had been told about homosexuality being a choice, despite their own bigotry and prejudice. I have to admit that I’m sucker for love stories and this is the best type of love story – one where love triumphs over all obstacles, the greatest of which are the barriers we create in our own hearts that keep us separate from each other and separate from the truth that we all are divine beings created out of love and created to share that love with others. I suppose that’s what I find hardest about those who seek to attack and shame lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people into denying themselves and returning to the closet. I simply don’t understand how people can hate when it is so very painful for me to experience being judged and rejected by others and for me to do the same to others, knowing the awful pain that it causes.

I don’t know how many people will understand any of this or really care, but it’s what I believe and why I do the things I do to spread love in this world and help other people to find peace with who they are and whatever circumstances life brings them. Tonight, I feel sad and lonely, and so I reach out to you because I need your love and want to do all I can to make sure that none of us has to go through these times – the good and the bad – alone.

Blessings,
Abby

P.S. You can watch the trailer and find out about show times in your area, how to purchase copies and the story behind the film by clicking on either of the links above.

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