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Posts Tagged ‘A Course in Miracles’

The teachings of A Course in Miracles play a central role in my life. In fact, it’s not in any way an exaggeration to say that I would not be who I am today without the Course. Although I had read small bits of the Course before, my first real introduction to how it could work in my life to transform fear into love, and turmoil and pain into peace and joy, came from Marianne Williamson’s book, A Return to Love.

Last weekend, Oprah had Marianne on her Super Soul Sunday program to talk about A Return to Love and how it helped change her life. You can watch the full episode here. I can’t think of a better way to spend 45 minutes of my life.

Blessings,
Abby

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I fell asleep on the couch this evening while trying to grind out a few more hours of work. As often happens, sleep did not come again right away, so I searched the Internet for the blogs of my closest friends, those people whose thoughts remind me of who I am and what I believe.  I ended up at the blog of one of my newest friends, a friend whose words move me most deeply these days, regardless of her topic. My only complaint, and one I gladly suffer, is that her posts prompt so many thoughts and deep emotion that I find it hard to move on to work or other things. Instead I find myself wanting to stay and linger with her thoughts, and the thoughts they evoke in me, and to write about them, because I feel such a deep kinship with her.

So, this morning, as I sat in bed and surfed the ‘net, I read her latest post. One statement in particular in that post triggered a cascade of thoughts and feelings, reminding me of what I believe, what I know, about myself and the shared illusion of a world in which we think we live. And so I wrote. This is what I said to her in a comment I posted on her blog:

The primary teaching of A Course in Miracles is that only Love is real. Consequently, we are truly all One Being and we realize our Oneness, bring it into our awareness, when we share our love with another. It also teaches that every action, whether by ourselves or by others, is either an expression of love or a call for love. Thus, regardless of the situation, the only appropriate response to our sisters and brothers is Love, unconditional, unlimited Love.

Many years ago, not long after I began studying the Course, I decided that, to be the person I know myself to be, the person I want to express in this world, I would ask myself, “What would Love do?” or, stated somewhat differently, “What is the most loving thing to do in this situation?” When I ask myself that question, I remind myself I must include myself in answering that question, for any response that is not loving to me, as well as others, is not truly loving. And then I wait. The answer always comes, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but it always come. I make mistakes all the time, mostly by forgetting to ask the question and mostly by not being loving to myself, which I find much more difficult than being loving to others. But each day I learn and the answers come more quickly and more as an expression of who I am and less as the result of conscious thought. These and the other lessons I have learned from the Course have truly transformed my life and led me to be the woman I am today. There are many other spiritual paths that lead to this same place. The Course just happens to be mine.

Why do I share these thoughts here? They were all triggered by this statement from this post: “My search for more validity and ‘realness’ can only come in community, sister- and brotherhood with others . . . “ Love is only real, can only truly be experienced, when it is shared. By being shared, it expands and I come closer to realizing the Truth of who I am, the Truth of who we all are. For that I need community. I need you and all the others loving friends I have found in my life, on the ‘net and off.

Thank you, my friend, for being a loving friend to me and all who come to this place and read your words. They are gifts beyond measure.

Blessings,
Abby

Cross-posted from my ACIM blog.

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Today, I am in pain. I hurt to the core of my being because a dream I held of being held, of being loved and nurtured, as I try to love and nurture others, is dead.

I knew that things were headed this way. The signs have been clear for some time. But I still hoped that somehow, if I just loved enough, that could be changed. It didn’t happen that way, however, and I am sad.

Things started off with so much promise, so much hope. I felt so loved and cared for. But what I hoped was only the beginning was really the end. Not of everything, not of the friendship we have and the respect and admiration we hold for each other for the people that we are, but, certainly, the end of the something “more” that I thought began that extended weekend of connection.

So, today, I am sad. I sit and meditate, pray and read A Course in Miracles for the hope that it has restored to my life. And I cry.

Life will go on. From this, something new and greater will come. I know, because that is who I am and that is path I have chosen for my life. And it’s hard, it’s extremely hard. The rewards are incredible, but, sometimes, many times, I wish my life was simple, that my life was easy, that I didn’t feel so deeply, that I didn’t have to dig so deep to understand the truth of who I am and how the world works, how we are all connected in the truest and most fundamental sense. Sometimes, it’s simply too much … for myself and for others.

My friend Callie talks about how hard it is being a “too person” – too intense, too emotional, compelled to seek the answers to the hard questions that most people don’t even want to ask. I know exactly what she means.

And, yet, I know I will carry on. I know that this is my path. I just wish that the price of all the rewards I have found in my life – the peace, the joy, the comfort in knowing who I am – was something other than being alone.

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Hopefully, none of you will be disappointed to find that this post isn’t about a picnic or a trip to the mall. Instead, it’s about my decision to once more tell my story.

As I mentioned on my About Abby page, A Course in Miracles has been an important part of my spiritual life for more than 11 years now. In fact, without the things I have learned through the Course, I would never have had the courage to accept the truth of who I am and become the woman I am today. Thus, I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to the Course.

I first came to the Course through a woman I began dating in August 1996. Linda had been a student of the Course for several years and we discussed it briefly several times while we were together. At one point, we read the Preface, which describes how the Course came to be and the major lessons it teaches. What I read spoke to a deep place within me but the study group that Linda had been part of had disbanded and I didn’t know how else to begin, so I didn’t pursue it further. In January 1997, however, Linda ended our relationship. By then, I had lived in Prescott for almost two years. During that time, I had noticed an announcement of a weekly Course in Miracles study group in the “community calendar” feature in the local newspaper. Having lost the relationship that I had been clinging to for support and companionship, I was angry and hurt and felt myself sinking further into the depression that has been a part of my life since I was very, very young. Fortunately, by that time, I had learned that I didn’t have to live in misery. I also knew, however, that I had to find something besides the twelve-step meetings, therapy and breathwork sessions that I was already doing, to keep me afloat. In that moment of pain and desperation, I turned to the Course.

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